Grieving the loss of a pet
There are a few moments in life that really knock the wind from your sails. One of them is definitely the death of a pet. No matter the length of time they’re with us, we are left wholly changed when they leave. Whether it was unexpected, or a planned passing, the grief is still very real and something we are left searching for answers and meaning for a longtime. Both of us have personally had pets pass away over the years, and it never gets easier.
Unfortunately, we live in a world where our feelings can get dictated by others around us. Typically driving the narrative of how we’re “supposed” to grieve are those that don’t have pets. You’ve probably heard these responses, “It was just a pet.” or “When are you going to get over it?” These comments are sometimes meant to “help us” to toughen up and just “get over” it. The problem is that statements like these actually end up isolating us and prevent us from sharing the hurt and pain. We stunt our grieving process and never fully heal in the process.
The very simple truth is that grieving the loss of a pet is not just normal, but it’s expected and perfectly OK! We want to be part of normalizing pet loss grief. We also want to help make the process of death better for both the pet, and the owner. This starts with:
Educating ourselves on our options for a peaceful, more connected death
Sharing with others, like vets and other professionals, that we can do things differently that are much more respectful
We had the fortune of interviewing a pet loss grief counselor. Coleen Ellis founded Two Hearts Pet Loss Center after not feeling like there was a safe place to grieve her pets. One of her big passions is letting others know that they have permission to grieve. We first give ourselves permission, and not care what others think of our grieving and mourning work. But sometimes we also need external permission to know that it’s ok to cry over the loss of our pet.
One of our biggest takeaways from our conversation with her was the role of having a grieving companion;
“Feelings want to happen. Feelings want to be felt. So I want to feel it. They're meant to be felt, so we have to get permission to say, ‘You can be angry. You can be sad. You can be mad. You can be all those things.’ My role as a companion is going to be with you. I'm not going to lead you, I'm not going to push you, I'm not going to tell you why you should be in a different place than you are right now.”
You may be shocked to know there are professional organizations who deal specifically with helping pets (and owners) cope with the end of life stage that so many of us fear. The International Association for Animal Hospice and Palliative Care promotes comfort care that addresses the physical, psychological, and social needs of animals with chronic and/or life-limiting diseases. They also promote physical, emotional, and spiritual support for caregivers. They are an amazing resource for not only pet owners, but also pet care professionals.
If you have ever lost a pet, we want you to know that it’s OK to feel how you’re feeling. If you need a safe space to grieve and celebrate the life of a beloved pet, please don’t hesitate to reach out!
